


On The Rooftop

by JustYourAverageFanboy



Series: One-Shots [1]
Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Gen, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Nobody Dies, One Shot, Post-Canon, Songfic, Suicide Attempt, but they all come close, happy ending i guess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-27
Updated: 2019-05-27
Packaged: 2020-03-02 08:06:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,544
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18807115
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JustYourAverageFanboy/pseuds/JustYourAverageFanboy
Summary: He had gone up to the rooftop everyday, all with the same thought. Today would be the day.But every time, someone had beat him to the edge.





	On The Rooftop

**Author's Note:**

> Feedback is appreciated

_Just as I was about to take my shoes_  
_Off of the rooftop there I see_  
_A girl with braided hair there before me_  
_Despite myself I go and scream_

With step he took, climbing those grey stairs, his heartbeat thumped faster. The grey door grew closer and closer, and he grew closer and closer to his fate. His hands found comfort fidgeting with his sleeves. The only sounds were the blood rushing through his ears and his shoes against the stairs.

He reached the door. He needed to pause and prepare himself. He checked his phone. It was almost dinner time. If he didn’t hurry, there would be a search party.

Swallowing his nerves, he turned the doorknob and pushed. The wind hit him in the face. He brushed his hair out of his eyes. He froze mid-step when he saw someone sitting on the edge.

The sound of the slamming door startled her. Brooke turned her head, eyes wide and mouth parted slightly. Her hair was in a tight braid today.

The boy found himself speaking. “ _Hey. Don’t do it please._ ”

_Whoa, wait a minute what did I just say?_  
_I couldn't care less either way_  
_To be honest I was somewhat pissed_  
_This was an opportunity missed_

Rage surged through him. He had planned this for weeks. He had written down times when no one would be home, when everyone was busy. He wrote and rewrote his note multiple times, he wrote one for everybody. He made sure his grades stayed up so nobody would ask questions.

And all of that was ruined by _her_.

Brooke closer her mouth and looked away. The boy walked over to her and sat down, letting his legs dangle.

“What are you doing here?” she asked, her voice hardly above a whisper. She played with the end of her hair, spreading her pointer finger through it.

“I could ask you the same thing,” he responded, not meeting her eyes.

She sighed. She bit her lip, and her eyes kept darting around. “I just. . . Really thought he was different than everyone else. But that night, he cheated on me.”

The boy closed his eyes. He knew who she was talking about. Was she seriously going to jump off a rooftop just because of Jeremy?

_For God's sakes please! Are you serious? I just can't believe_  
_That for some stupid reason you got here before me_  
_Are you upset 'cause you can't have what you wanted?_  
_You're lucky that you've never gotten robbed of anything!_

He was going to voice these thoughts, but she continued talking.

“I mean, yeah Chloe’s hot. But you shouldn’t go fuck her while your girlfriend is in the same house!” She threw her hands into the air. Tears started falling down her face. “Who does that? And it’s not even him! Every boyfriend I’ve had leaves me for Chloe. Am I not good enough? Do I need to be prettier to keep a boyfriend for more than three months?”

He let her rant, let her yell until she couldn’t yell anymore. She talked about how Chloe dictated what they did, what they wore, and who they spoke to. While she didn’t outright do those things, she would speak in a way that made Brooke second-guess everything. Did she really want to wear that top with those shorts? Did she really want to skip that party? Did she really want to kiss Jeremy?

Then Chloe saw how popular he was getting and decided to jump on him. Take him away from her, the only guy she had genuine feelings for. Only to find out _he_ used her as well. That he only went out with her for popularity points. That he actually loved Christine.

He leaned over and squeezed the crying girl in a hug. She tensed up, hesitant to hug back. She did, and she sobbed into his shoulder. He rubbed her back up and down with the hand that wasn’t trapped between them.

“I get it,” he whispered. “I don’t understand, but I get how you feel. You feel betrayed and hurt. By your best friend, and ex-boyfriend. But you shouldn’t bottle this up and hide it from them.” He forced Brooke to unlatch from his shoulder and looked her in the eyes. “Go tell them. Tell Chloe that you don’t like how it seems like she controls everything. Tell Jeremy how badly he hurt you. If they genuinely do care, they’ll understand and change.”

Brooke sniffed and wiped her eyes, spreading her mascara. She nodded. “I’m just. . . Thank you. For listening, that is. I just. . . I don’t have anyone to vent to. My mom would just brush it off as teenage drama, my dad wouldn’t understand. Chloe would. Well, we’ll see I guess.”

Brooke fished around in her pocket and pulled out a tissue. She spit into it and let the saliva soak into it. She wiped it under her eyes, cleaning up the makeup. She looked at the boy’s face. She laughed. “I’ll clean up more when I get home,” she explained.

She pushed herself away from the edge and stood up. She gave a small wave before turning and walking towards the door.

The boy sighed as he watched the door close behind her. He was alone. He could do this. He looked down, watching the few people that remained outside scatter as the clouds darkened and rain started.

Just one push and it would be over.

His pocket was vibrating. Shit. He took out his phone and held it up to his ear. “Hello? It is? Sorry, I was taking a walk. I’ll be home soon. Love you, too. Bye.” He hung up. He leaned back until he fell on the rooftop floor. He pressed the palms of his hands against his eyes, rubbing them until they burned and he saw weird figures.

It was already 6:30. He was too late.

He stood up and picked up his phone, sliding it into his pocket. He made it to the door and left the roof. His steps were slower this time.

He could go back. Go and jump, it’d be real quick. But he didn’t have enough time, the walk from here to his house is ten minutes away and he’d need to figure out the angle to go at. The rooftop wasn’t that high up to just wing it.

He’ll do it tomorrow.

_"Alright, today's the day" or so I thought_  
_Just as I took both of my shoes off_

He made his way back up the grey stairs. He went faster than yesterday. He was on a time crunch as the house wouldn’t be empty any longer in fifteen minutes. He had planned out the angle he would go, nothing should go wrong. He pushed open the door and automatically squinted from the bright sun.

_There was but a girl short as can be_  
_Despite myself, I go and scream_

He stopped dead in his tracks. A girl stood on the edge, looking down. Her black hair and green dress swung in the wind. He noticed she was donning plain, white socks; her shoes were placed next to her.

“Don’t do it,” he found himself saying. Christine jumped, startled, leaning back so she stumbled off the ledge. She spun around to face him. Tears were drying on her face.

He took a few steps forward. Christine sniffed and dropped to her knees, crying into her hands. He ran over to her, sliding onto his knees, ignoring the burning sensation from the sharp pebbles cutting through his jeans and digging into his skin.

He pulled her into a hug. Her tears quickly soaked through his shirt. Her shoulders bounced up and down with each gasp for breath. He just let her cry, not caring if his shirt would be ruined.

Ten minutes passed until she stopped. Christine hiccuped, leaning out of his grasp and settling on her feet. She stared at her lap, at her hands that were stained with tears.

“Why?” he asked. He had to strain his ears to hear what she mumbled.

“Nobody cares.” She paused. “About me. The only time they actually pay any attention to me is when I’m on the stage. And even then, I’m not myself. I’m a completely different person, a character, a mask.”

She wiped her hands on her leggings. “I mean, who would want to be friends with the kid with ADD?”

_For God's sakes please! Are you serious? I just can't believe_  
_That for some stupid reason you got here before me_

“A lot of people,” he said. “Christine, so many people want to be your friend. I do, Jenna, Jake, Brooke. So many people.”

_'Cause even so, you're still loved by everyone at home!  
There's always dinner waiting on the table, you know?_

He swallowed. “And your family. They care so much about you.” Christine looked up, catching his gaze. “Your brother, sister, everyone. If you went through with this, think of how devastated they would be.”

He was being a massive hypocrite. That’s exactly what he was up here to do, and here he is trying to convince someone else.

“I’m sure,” he continued, “that they’re all sitting around the table wondering ‘where’s Christine? Dinner’s getting cold, is she okay?’”

The boy gave a small smile. “I’m sure they’re gonna send a search party any minute. You don’t have to impress or get anyone’s attention except them. And they’ll gladly give it, they love you.”

Christine didn’t respond. Her usually smiling face didn’t have a smile. It didn’t have a frown, either. It was just blank. Slowly, she started nodding. “Yeah. You’re right.”

_"I'm hungry" said the girl as she shed a tear  
The girl short as can be then disappeared_

Christine wiped her face and hugged the boy again, squeezing tightly. He let out a choked breath, startled at the motion. He soon hugged back, whispering in her ear that he was always open to talk.

Christine stood up, brushing off the dirt and pebbles from her dress. She made her way over to her shoes and slipped them on. She smiled at the boy still on the ground. “Thank you.”

“Tell them how you’ve been feeling,” he replied. “I don’t want to have to come back up here.”

Christine nodded. “I will.”

He watched her leave, watched the door close behind him. He groaned as his phone buzzed in his pocket. He had run out of time again. He got up and hurried towards the door. He could catch up to Christine and make it seem like nothing was wrong.

He jogged down the stairs, and saw Christine just as she walked out of the building. He caught up to her, and she gladly accepted his company. They had an exciting conversation. Well. As exciting as one can get after nearly jumping.

Still, Christine had a spring in her step, so he didn’t have any reason to complain. He didn’t want her going back up there.

Tomorrow. He’d do it tomorrow. He’d have to.

_And like that, there was someone every day  
I listened to their tale, I made them turn away_

Day after day, he found someone new up there; Jake, Jenna, hell even Dustin. No matter who it was, he talked to them, let them rant, let them know their problems and worries were heard. He made them turn back, and if they didn’t he wouldn’t leave until they did.

And yet.

No matter how much he showed that he cared, they didn’t do the same back. They would wipe their tears, fix their hair, thank him, and leave. Without even pausing to ask themselves why _he_ was up there.

_And yet there was no one who would do this for me, no way I could  
Let out all this pain_

Maybe they were just too wrapped up in their problems, which was fine. Completely fine, personal stuff should come before anyone else, especially mental shit.

Or maybe they already knew. Maybe they just thought he’d come to the same conclusion that he was loved, just like them. Or maybe they just didn’t care. Hell, before all of the SQUIP nonsense happened, he only talked to one other person. Why should he expect all these popular people to give a shit about him? They had no reason to.

He was just a loser, a geek, a. . .

Whatever.

He huffed and continued his ascend up the grey stairs. Once again, he pushed open that door. Once again, he paused mid-step.

Should he even be surprised to find someone else on the rooftop at this point? It was like the universe was trying to tell him something, but he wouldn’t listen.

He was about to start his speech about why he shouldn’t do it, people loved him. He had it memorized at this point. But Jeremy spoke before he even shut the door.

“I want it to stop,” he said, hugging his cardigan closer to him.

_For the very first time, there I see_  
_Someone with the same pains as me_  
_Having done this time and time again_  
_She wore a yellow cardigan_

The boy by the door walked over to Jeremy.

“I don’t. . . Every time I go home, I can only think of everything that happened, everything I caused. All the pain, the suffering, the scars,” he continued. Jeremy’s shoulders shook, his legs wobbled but he didn’t fall. Instead, he continued to speak, taking a step closer to the edge with each word.

He spoke about everything. The nightmares, the abuse, the pain. He couldn’t handle it anymore, he just needed it to stop. Every distraction he tried never worked, all he could hear was Keanu’s voice reprimanding him, giving him multiple shocks for even slouching in his room.

The only thing he seemed to do anymore was lock himself in his room and stare at his ceiling. His dad was growing more and more concerned, _“He was even wearing pants! He’s been wearing them every day.”_

Getting high didn’t work, he couldn’t even bring himself to drink alcohol because _Chloe had ruined it for him_. Everything was a mess, he was a mess. It hurt too much to remember, it hurt too much to get out of bed in the morning. The SQUIP still found a way to torment him through the scars. He couldn’t even bend down to pick something up with them hurting.

Each night was worse than the next. Every time he attempted to sleep, the SQUIP was there. Always in the background at first, silently mocking him for every mistake. Then they got worse. The SQUIP would inch closer each night. Each night, he would repeat the same phrase, those same words.

_“Everything about you is just terrible. Everything about you makes me want to die."_

“He’s a fucking computer!” Jeremy shouted. “He physically can’t die. I can’t believe I’m such a horrible person that a fucking hologram of Keanu wants to die!”

He continued his rant, not stopping once except to breathe.

He had researched every way to do it. Pills, rope, razors. He had lucked out of every one. No pills except ibuprofen. The pain from the razors reminded him too much of the shocks. He was scared his dad would hear him choke if he used rope.

As a last resort, he decided to find the tallest building nearby.

He just couldn’t do it at home. Home was the source of too many memories. The SQUIP, the research, his mother leaving.

He just wanted it to stop, he couldn’t handle it anymore, physically and mentally. He wanted it to stop, stop, stop! _I want it to stop, Michael!_

Jeremy stopped talking. His chest heaved up and down. His face was red with anger, fear, and embarrassment.

Michael stared with wide eyes. He knew Jeremy was hurting, but he had no idea how bad it was. Michael pushed up his glasses. “Don’t do it, please.”

_Oh what to do!? I can't stop this girl, oh this is new!  
For once I think I've bitten off more than I can chew_

How should he approach this? Not to undermine the others, but Jeremy’s issues were bigger. One wrong word or phrase and he could throw himself off, leaving Michael to do nothing but watch.

Jeremy didn’t move. “Why?”

Michael blinked. “What?”

“Give me a reason. One aside from my dad would miss me.”

Michael swallowed. “Because I’m here.”

It was now Jeremy’s turn to be thrown off guard. “What do you mean?”

Michael took a step forward. “I was your best friend- am, I mean. I am your best friend. I wouldn’t be able to handle it if I saw you jump and I didn’t do anything.”

He hoped he was accidentally guilt tripping him. But he knew his speech would have no effect. He needed to show Jeremy that he was there, that he cared. So he walked over at sat down.

Jeremy looked down at him. “What are you doing?”

“Sitting,” Michael stated. “I’m not leaving until you do. I’m making sure you leave through that door.”

“But what about your moms?” Jeremy asked.

Michael tapped on his phone, sending off a quick text saying that he was hanging with Jeremy. “They won’t mind.”

Jeremy sighed and sat down, letting his legs dangle in the air. “Then you won’t be leaving for a while.”

Michael shrugged. “That’s alright.”

The minutes ticked by slowly. Michael resisted the urge to play games on his phone. He had to show Jeremy that he was there for him.

The silence was broken after an hour. “Why are you doing this, Michael?”

Michael looked over at Jeremy. “Because I know words won’t do anything. You’ve been lied to, manipulated by that fucking pill. He said things, then did the opposite. I need to show you that I care, that I love you, rather than just tell you.

“I’ve been in that same situation before. I don’t mean to make you feel worse, but when you first bought that SQUIP you said you wouldn’t become too cool for me. Then you did.”

Jeremy inhaled sharply, looking away, messing with his cardigan sleeve. “I’m so sorry about that, Michael. I know sorry isn’t enough and I know that you don’t ever need to forgive me. But I just need you to know that I regret everything. I regret buying that pill, throwing away our friendship, making you come up here.”

Michael continued when Jeremy finished. “This isn’’t about me, Jeremy. But if you do want to talk about that, we can later. Right now I’m focused on getting you off this roof. Actions speak louder than words, you above anyone else should know that. I do care about you, so much. We’ve been friends for twelve years. But I also know that you won’t listen to a single thing I would say. I could give my speech, then let you leave. But you could twist my words, make them full of venom and untrue thoughts. You need to see that I’m here, that I’ll always be there.”

Jeremy wiped his face, nodding slightly. They remained in silence. The sun set, crickets came out, the city noise died down for the night.

“Thank you,” Jeremy whispered. “I don’t deserve it, but thank you.” He wrapped his arms around Michael.

“You deserve everything and more, Jer,” Michael whispered back. “Let’s get off this building, yeah?”

Jeremy nodded. They both stood up, stretching at the same time to get the kinks out of their backs.

“You go ahead,” Michael said, “I need to tighten my shoelaces.”

Jeremy looked skeptical but nodded. Michael watched him leave. 

_There’s no one here today, I guess it’s time  
It’s just me, myself, and I_

Michael did retie his shoes, so that he wasn’t lying to Jeremy. He took a deep breath and stood on the very edge of the roof.

_There’s no one who can interfere  
No one to get in my way here_

His balance wavered. He threw his arms out to steady himself.

_Taking off my yellow cardigan  
Watching my braids all come undone_

He lifted one foot, testing the feeling of weightlessness. He moved forward, ready to let himself fall.

_This petite girl short as can be  
Is gonna jump now and be free_

“Michael? You coming?”

Michael leaped back, face paling and sweat forming on his forehead. He looked back and saw Jeremy peeking out from the door.

Michael could faintly hear Jeremy saying, “Optic nerve blocking: on” in the back of his head. He pushed that memory away. He wouldn’t do that, not after he got his friend back.

“Yeah,” Michael replied, stepping down from the edge. “Just got caught up in the view.” He wasn’t sure if he hated how easily the lie came out or the look on Jeremy’s face of being caught in it more.

“I’m not leaving until you do.”

Yup. He hated being caught more.

Michael walked over to his friend, who held the door open for him. They walked side-by-side down the stairs. When they got to the sidewalk, Michael couldn’t help but look back at the building, at the roof.

There was always tomorrow.

**Author's Note:**

> Song - My R by Hatsune Miku (Original)/Hikaru Station (English cover)
> 
> This was a spur of the moment fic while I was listening to Aruvn's cover of this song. It's not edited, I didn't really put much effort into it, I just wanted to write something.
> 
> There are lyrics that I left out but that's because I included them in the dialogue, so it would seem redundant to have those as well. The story just wouldn't flow as well.


End file.
